So I've spent some time working on this theory that I had one day. I finally decided to put it in writing and share it with all my friends and anyone else who may stumble upon it or have it passed onto them. This work is 100% original and came from my crazy mind. I hope you enjoy it, and if you don't that's cool too, but everyone I've told it to thus far has gotten a kick out of it AND agreed with the principles contained within. Enjoy.
Ok guys, women are tough to figure out. First and foremost, you MUST understand this if you do not already. Now, I’ve pimped this theory up to some of my close friends, and they’ve all seemed to stand by it. It answers just about every hole you can try and poke through it. This theory will attempt to help us men realize if a girl we’re looking at a real relationship with is the one for us. Quickies and one-night stand chicks need not apply. So, without further ado, The Chicken Wing Theory:
*Note, this theory does NOT apply if the girl in question is a vegetarian/vegan. If this is the case, and you are a carnivore, then you’ve probably already drawn your conclusions about them.
The stipulations of this theory are important toward determining the outcome, so they should be followed, the first stipulation is the most important:
**YOU CANNOT HAVE HAD SEX WITH THIS PERSON**
As we know, even if we don’t care to admit it, in relationships, sex changes things. If it’s good it can blind you to some faults, if it’s bad it may make flaws seem EXAGGERATED. This theory is specifically to assist in determining if you want to pursue something MORE than sex. This rule is a biggie.
*Additionally, the night you perform this experiment should be fairly early in the dating cycle. If you’ve already been on 6 or 7 dates, first of all there’s a decent chance you have had sex, secondly, you’ve already gotten to know them and may have already formed your opinion on what you think of them. This stipulation is more flexible than the first, but ideally, The Wing theory should probably be tried on the third or fourth date.
Here’s how it goes. Ask the girl out for a couple of drinks at a bar (ideally at around 7 pm). One thing to know about women is that if they know they’re going out on a date, they’re either going to eat light, or not eat at all before meeting you. I don’t agree with what I’m about to say, but many women believe eating before meeting a guy will make them look bloated (again, since this is in the early stages, they still really want to impress us, just like we do, them). A woman could have the body of Beyonce and still think she looks fat. We cannot change this, even though we often think it’s crazy. The fact that they’re eating light, or not eating, means that they won’t be full and logically, will probably even be a little hungry when you link up.
Once you arrive at the bar (either before her or with her gentlemen, don’t make them wait if you can avoid it), you will presumably have a seat at the bar itself or at a table, and order a round of drinks. Here’s where you have to be a little bit coy men, you have to find a way (somewhere between drinks 1 and 2) to order some wings. The best hope is that she goes to the bathroom to freshen up, but if not, perhaps walk up to the waiter/waitress/bartender under the ruse of ordering drink #2 and also add on the order of wings. Assuming you can pull this off; the stage is set.
Wings are without a doubt one of the messiest foods one can eat, but secretly, just about every woman in the world (again excluding vegetarians/vegans) genuinely loves wings. The wings will arrive at the bar/table, and your lovely date will now be presented with 3 options, which more than likely will determine what type of woman she is.
a. This girl will politely decline your offer of this fantastic snack. You may try as you might, but often times a woman’s 1st answer is the one she’s going to stick with. So if the first answer is a no, it’s not likely to change. This girl is likely saying no because she is self-conscience of being a little bit messy in front of you, or eating something other than a salad in front of you. She might say she’s full (not likely for the aforementioned fear of looking bloated) or she doesn’t like wings (also USUALLY untrue, it really is a tough food not to like) or some other excuse that probably isn’t true. Give the girl credit, she is strong-minded, and that’s sexy, but the issue here is you’ve already had a couple of dates to loosen up around each other. If by date 3 she’s still that closed off, who knows how long it’s going to take to get her to get comfortable being herself with you. Additionally, she may just be too proper for her own good. Why CAN’T a girl have a wing and eat it with her hands? It’s just a chicken wing, and ladies; you can have just one or two. Oh, and we LIKE it when you eat things other than salad!
SYNOPSIS: This girl is somewhat closed off. Even after spending some time with you, and obviously being interested enough to go on a third date she probably likes you, and the stubborn unwillingness to have a small portion of something that she probably enjoys with you is a little off-putting. Unless EVERYTHING else has been going well, you need to realize that she might not be the one for you because she’s having this much trouble having a finger-food with you. Be polite, be cordial, PAY THE CHECK YOURSELF and unless she’s been amazing in every other way, maybe reconsider what you want to pursue with this girl.
b. This girl will begrudgingly eat a wing or two (possibly after initially declining) WITH A FORK. This one is simple guys…
SYNOPSIS: You put down the money for what you’ve gotten so far and you GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. This is the type of girl who obviously didn’t want a wing but accepted just to please you then half-assed it, refusing to be a person or HAVE A SOUL. There aren’t many bigger turn-offs for a guy than eating wings with a fork. EVERY man I’ve asked about this agrees: Forks with wings are a no-no. Guys, you don’t want a girl who bends to your will but does it with a pissed off expression and an alternate means. If she doesn’t want a wing, that’s fine, we like strong women, but we don’t want half-assers, and fork wing-eaters are half-assers. These women are the devil. And if you’re reading this thinking “Hey, I eat my wings with a fork and I’m not the devil!” Then you need to look in the mirror and find your horns because you are a succubus. Google that shit.
c. The girl dives right in. Head first. No questions asked, she get’s down to it, with her hands maybe even getting some sauce on her cheeks!
SYNOPSIS: Gentlemen, we have a winner! This is obviously a cool chick, who isn’t afraid to be herself around you. Here she is, eating the messiest food around WITH HER HANDS, and having a great time with you. To me, even though this is something as little as eating a chicken wing, it’s a HUGE tell-tale toward what a future with her may be like. This is the grand prize sirs.
Look, I’m not gonna pretend to be some sort of love-guru, but I have spent some time ironing out the pieces to this theory, and I stand by it. It may not be perfect for you, but I know that it’s a pretty subtle, but efficient litmus test. It’s not going to tell you everything you need to know (that’s what the first two dates were for), but it may very well put the final stamp of approval on a girl you haven’t really figured out yet. Feel free to try and poke holes in my theory, but I’ve been able to answer all of them thus far. Best of luck in love and dining.
Sal
Ok guys, women are tough to figure out. First and foremost, you MUST understand this if you do not already. Now, I’ve pimped this theory up to some of my close friends, and they’ve all seemed to stand by it. It answers just about every hole you can try and poke through it. This theory will attempt to help us men realize if a girl we’re looking at a real relationship with is the one for us. Quickies and one-night stand chicks need not apply. So, without further ado, The Chicken Wing Theory:
*Note, this theory does NOT apply if the girl in question is a vegetarian/vegan. If this is the case, and you are a carnivore, then you’ve probably already drawn your conclusions about them.
The stipulations of this theory are important toward determining the outcome, so they should be followed, the first stipulation is the most important:
**YOU CANNOT HAVE HAD SEX WITH THIS PERSON**
As we know, even if we don’t care to admit it, in relationships, sex changes things. If it’s good it can blind you to some faults, if it’s bad it may make flaws seem EXAGGERATED. This theory is specifically to assist in determining if you want to pursue something MORE than sex. This rule is a biggie.
*Additionally, the night you perform this experiment should be fairly early in the dating cycle. If you’ve already been on 6 or 7 dates, first of all there’s a decent chance you have had sex, secondly, you’ve already gotten to know them and may have already formed your opinion on what you think of them. This stipulation is more flexible than the first, but ideally, The Wing theory should probably be tried on the third or fourth date.
Here’s how it goes. Ask the girl out for a couple of drinks at a bar (ideally at around 7 pm). One thing to know about women is that if they know they’re going out on a date, they’re either going to eat light, or not eat at all before meeting you. I don’t agree with what I’m about to say, but many women believe eating before meeting a guy will make them look bloated (again, since this is in the early stages, they still really want to impress us, just like we do, them). A woman could have the body of Beyonce and still think she looks fat. We cannot change this, even though we often think it’s crazy. The fact that they’re eating light, or not eating, means that they won’t be full and logically, will probably even be a little hungry when you link up.
Once you arrive at the bar (either before her or with her gentlemen, don’t make them wait if you can avoid it), you will presumably have a seat at the bar itself or at a table, and order a round of drinks. Here’s where you have to be a little bit coy men, you have to find a way (somewhere between drinks 1 and 2) to order some wings. The best hope is that she goes to the bathroom to freshen up, but if not, perhaps walk up to the waiter/waitress/bartender under the ruse of ordering drink #2 and also add on the order of wings. Assuming you can pull this off; the stage is set.
Wings are without a doubt one of the messiest foods one can eat, but secretly, just about every woman in the world (again excluding vegetarians/vegans) genuinely loves wings. The wings will arrive at the bar/table, and your lovely date will now be presented with 3 options, which more than likely will determine what type of woman she is.
a. This girl will politely decline your offer of this fantastic snack. You may try as you might, but often times a woman’s 1st answer is the one she’s going to stick with. So if the first answer is a no, it’s not likely to change. This girl is likely saying no because she is self-conscience of being a little bit messy in front of you, or eating something other than a salad in front of you. She might say she’s full (not likely for the aforementioned fear of looking bloated) or she doesn’t like wings (also USUALLY untrue, it really is a tough food not to like) or some other excuse that probably isn’t true. Give the girl credit, she is strong-minded, and that’s sexy, but the issue here is you’ve already had a couple of dates to loosen up around each other. If by date 3 she’s still that closed off, who knows how long it’s going to take to get her to get comfortable being herself with you. Additionally, she may just be too proper for her own good. Why CAN’T a girl have a wing and eat it with her hands? It’s just a chicken wing, and ladies; you can have just one or two. Oh, and we LIKE it when you eat things other than salad!
SYNOPSIS: This girl is somewhat closed off. Even after spending some time with you, and obviously being interested enough to go on a third date she probably likes you, and the stubborn unwillingness to have a small portion of something that she probably enjoys with you is a little off-putting. Unless EVERYTHING else has been going well, you need to realize that she might not be the one for you because she’s having this much trouble having a finger-food with you. Be polite, be cordial, PAY THE CHECK YOURSELF and unless she’s been amazing in every other way, maybe reconsider what you want to pursue with this girl.
b. This girl will begrudgingly eat a wing or two (possibly after initially declining) WITH A FORK. This one is simple guys…
SYNOPSIS: You put down the money for what you’ve gotten so far and you GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. This is the type of girl who obviously didn’t want a wing but accepted just to please you then half-assed it, refusing to be a person or HAVE A SOUL. There aren’t many bigger turn-offs for a guy than eating wings with a fork. EVERY man I’ve asked about this agrees: Forks with wings are a no-no. Guys, you don’t want a girl who bends to your will but does it with a pissed off expression and an alternate means. If she doesn’t want a wing, that’s fine, we like strong women, but we don’t want half-assers, and fork wing-eaters are half-assers. These women are the devil. And if you’re reading this thinking “Hey, I eat my wings with a fork and I’m not the devil!” Then you need to look in the mirror and find your horns because you are a succubus. Google that shit.
c. The girl dives right in. Head first. No questions asked, she get’s down to it, with her hands maybe even getting some sauce on her cheeks!
SYNOPSIS: Gentlemen, we have a winner! This is obviously a cool chick, who isn’t afraid to be herself around you. Here she is, eating the messiest food around WITH HER HANDS, and having a great time with you. To me, even though this is something as little as eating a chicken wing, it’s a HUGE tell-tale toward what a future with her may be like. This is the grand prize sirs.
Look, I’m not gonna pretend to be some sort of love-guru, but I have spent some time ironing out the pieces to this theory, and I stand by it. It may not be perfect for you, but I know that it’s a pretty subtle, but efficient litmus test. It’s not going to tell you everything you need to know (that’s what the first two dates were for), but it may very well put the final stamp of approval on a girl you haven’t really figured out yet. Feel free to try and poke holes in my theory, but I’ve been able to answer all of them thus far. Best of luck in love and dining.
Sal
